Gaping holes

Trolling through the news reports on Tiger Woods (and trolling is indeed the perfect word for it) I came across this gem from Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post. Written from Tiger's point of view, so to speak, it reveals how much we know about the fellow and how little he knows about himself. I love the perfect kicker at the very end (the article is distributed over two pages, by the way).

Nevertheless, I understand the relentless curiosity about me, given my sacrosanct greatness and all I do for the good of humanity, and so I have decided to release a statement, on the advice of my agent, media consultant, personal blogger, sponsor liaison and attorneys. But rather than give this statement to the authorities, who somehow think they have real authority over me, I have decided to post it on my Web site, where the little men with badges can also find news, biographical info, statistics, audio and video clips, photos and signature merchandise such as $75 drop-needle polo shirts and washable wool sweater vests, as well as framed art, naturally of me.

(...) Here is my statement: "I'm almost perfect. I only made one small mistake, ever. I will certainly make sure nothing like it happens again."

Among the questions I will not be addressing, when I next appear in public, after my face heals:

Make sure what never happens again?

Why would someone need to smash the two back windows of an SUV with a golf club to get me out of the front seat?

Did the club break?

And most importantly, did Stevie keep everyone quiet during the backswing?

(...) As I say, don't look to me for the replies to these inquiries, or any others, either. You want answers to questions? Read Andre Agassi's autobiography.