TMC: Episode 3 - Rinse, swish, repeat

Welcome to The Midwest Chronicles (TMC). These are the accounts of the exploits of the Nebraska Cricket Club in the 2009 season. To spice up what would otherwise be a routine match report of runs scored, wickets taken, and catches snaffled (or spilled) these posts are being written with a tongue firmly in cheek but with the facts completely in the true. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the meandering show.

Here's a complete guide to the cast of characters and their nicknames. The cast will be updated as players are added or dropped or nicknames changed as the season progresses.

We are what we repeatedly do..
Aristotle

The Weather Channel, largely quiet this year, reared its ugly head resulting in the postponement of Saturday's game to Sunday. On Sunday, TWC displayed similarly depressing predictions for the rest of the day (ranging between 50 to 70% chance of rain and thunderstorms for the afternoon. I wish I had taken a picture of that just to throw eggs at the channel after the fact - the game was played under almost cloudless skies for the most part).

During the drive to Ames, IA, two different scenarios played out in the two vans that took the 13 member team. In Bhishma's van, the venerable man regaled the rest of the folks with stories from the Mahabharat, i.e. his life. Speaking non-stop for three hours, his tales kept everyone wanting more, so much so that Bob Loblaw almost decided to make Bhishma the official writer of the match reports. In Captain Ozone's van there was a fierce competition between Ozone, Little Boy, and Kamikaze to see who was the best at winning coin tosses. Ozone guessed right 100% of the time, Kamikaze kicked in at 80%, while Little Boy barely registered a 50% ratio. So naturally, at the ground, Ozone sent in Little Boy for the coin toss which he promptly lost for the third straight time. Methinks that Little Boy is intentionally losing the tosses so that he doesn't become the prime candidate to be a scapegoat later on in the season.

The Iowa State University team decided to inset NCC. A wise decision since the outfield was wet and the grass tall enough to hide giraffes. Ground strokes stopped rolling before the boundary was reached and as the ball got wetter and heavier it became harder to hit. For everyone, that is, except Thin Man.

Tasmanian (Taz) Devil and Thin Man put up a 50 run opening partnership in a blaze of...err...singles and doubles. Taz ran Thin Man ragged, forcing TM to resort to ungainly agricultural swipes just to buy some time to rest. Thankfully, TM survived this phase and slowly began to connect with the ball. Then, against stereotype, Taz stepped out to loft the ball into the stratosphere but instead was easily stumped with his personal score on 23. (What is it with NCC batsmen reaching 23 and getting the impulse to be stumped?)

Bhishma kept it quiet and simple, content to let Thin Man hog the strike. And, boy, did Thin Man hog the strike?! Going berserk on the opposition, TM kept hitting the ball to various parts of the ground and took just 28 balls to register another 50. The long grass and wet ground kept his scoring down (relatively speaking) and he had just 1 four and 4 sixes and yet managed to reach 62 in 39 balls when he was finally caught at short cover.

Kamikaze went in and played to his strengths, but not before getting a thorough working over by 6'5" Abraiz, who got the ball to lift alarmingly from a good length spot. Meanwhile, Bhishma got run out going for a 3rd run that was derailed by a fortuitous bounce onto the wickets off Abraiz's legs, cutting short what was promising to be a delightful cameo.

Gunmaster G9 scored a run, and then came back when his attempt to clear long-on failed by just a couple of yards. This set the stage for Energizer to lift off. Energizer had been performing admirably in the nets but delivering duds on the playing field, so much so that one more dud would have changed his nickname to Net Zero (hero in the nets, zero on the field). He defended the first ball he faced and then bludgeoned 27 off the next 11, including two stunning sixes to end the innings. Kamikaze and Energizer plundered 37 runs in the last 2 overs to take NCC to a formidable 178 for 4 in just 20 overs.

While ISU was padding up, the fact of the matter was that their batsmen had to score 179 in 20 overs at the rate of just under 9 runs an over. Here are some other noteworthy facts:

• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times
• More people are killed by donkeys annually than in plane crashes
• Men in their early twenties shave an average of four times a week
• A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken with white earlobes will produce white eggs
• The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system, employing over 1.6 million people

Energizer's first ball of the innings was short and pounded away to the square-leg fence by Amkur and that set the tone for the next few overs. Having scored 27 in 2 overs, Energizer then proceeded to give almost all of that away in two listless overs. Surprisingly, he began bowling (attempted) leg-spinners in the second over and the momentum was completely shifted towards the opposition.

Ozone, desperate to break the momentum, tried three other bowlers before the Tasmanian Devil (Taz) finally struck in his 3rd over, the 8th of the innings. By then ISU had put on 66 runs and were in a good position. But you see, NCC is made of sterner stuff than it appears when you see them on the field bickering and sledging each other, much to the bemusement of the opposition.

66 for 1 quickly became 75 for 4 as Taz and Gundappa (Malki) began bowling to the wickets in true dibbly-dobbly fashion. The ISU batsmen seemed hell-bent on scoring sixes to get to the target and played into NCC's hands. Four over later it was 95 for 5 in 12 overs. With 84 runs to get in 8 overs, what ISU needed was (yes, you guessed it) "a blinder of an innings" (thanks for nothing, Shastri). And they got just that. Man Mountain Abraiz began swatting the ball like it was an annoying fly buzzing about him. Five towering sixes came off his blazing blade and suddenly it was 135 for 5 in 16.4 overs - just 44 to get in 26 balls, easily do-able.

But there was one last twist, as Kamikaze came to the party snaring two well-judged high catches and then picking up two wickets to scuttle the ISU ship. The biggest blow to their cause was delivered by Bhishma, who enticed Abraiz into pounding a six and then castled him with a yorker when he went to repeat the feat. Just as in the previous match, Gunmaster came back and took the final wicket to fall, ending the ISU innings at 145, 33 runs short of the NCC total.

Kamikaze picked up the man of the match award with unabashed glee, but special mention must be made of Little Boy. For a big fellow, he showed amazing reflexes behind the wicket, diving around to collect the ball, and picking up a sharp catch and affecting a quick stumping while standing up to the wicket. Rumor is that his feats have captured the eye of some dainty damsel in India and he may be going home to meet her soon. We hope he comes back with his mojo intact. Bon voyage!

At the game, Mind It (Quintus, who shall henceforth be referred to as the Fifth Element) unveiled an electronic scoring system, using a PDA. It has some wonderful features, one among which is the ability to see a batsman's wagon-wheel. In honor of his decisive innings, here is Thin Man's wagon-wheel for the game.
(Note: The upper half is the leg-side and the lower half-is the offside. Also, 9 o'clock is directly behind the keeper, while 3 o'clock is directly behind the bowler)

Here's the NCC wagon wheel. Note how conspicuously the batsmen avoided one part of the ground!

(Note: The upper half is the leg-side and the lower half-is the offside. Also, 9 o'clock is directly behind the keeper, while 3 o'clock is directly behind the bowler)