The team I shall be following is the Nebraska Cricket Club, based in Warren Buffett land. The cast of characters will be plenty, but taking inspiration from an inspired source, I shall be assigning nicknames and using real and nicknames interchangeably.
Here's your glossary of the cast of characters. It will be updated and revised as and when needed, depending upon which lawsuit has been settled, and who has earned a new nickname. Where possible I have tried to link the nickname to the information they were based off of.
(In approximate batting order)
1) Bhaskar Krishna - Bhishma. The grandfather member of the club, he has been around since the time of the Bush administration (the senior one) or so it seems. Like the man whose name he has been given, Bhaskar is big on oaths - a day does not go by without a big proclamation. His bhishan pratijna has been to not retire from playing cricket until every 8th grader in the greater Omaha area knows the difference between the insect and the glorious game.
2) Balachander Marimuthu - Thin Man. Do not be fooled by his reed-like appearance and the glasses he wears. He combines the fleet-footedness of an antelope being chased by a lioness, with the long-distance thrashing power of an on-song Chris Gayle. Seemingly built to only make special appearances, he has surprised many an opposing team by batting so long, the rest of the match was too easy to even be called a formality. Oh, and just to show that he is not perfect - he wears glasses even when he plays. What a nerd!
3) Jatin Khurana - Chikna Slater. He shares more than just a physiognomic connection with the erstwhile Aussie opener. Jatin enjoys hitting the ball in the air (especially off the fast bowlers), likes a dot ball as much as a vampire likes the sun, and most importantly, is guaranteed to get out in the 90's caught at the boundary. No Tendulkar-style tippy-toeing towards landmarks for this fella, a trait he shares with that other fellow Delhi-ite he adores - Sehwag. And as incredible as it sounds, Jatin is really fairer than Michael (and fairer than lovely). By the way, his parents never had to search for him even once their whole lives. All they had to do was say, "Who wants to bat now?" and Jatin showed up in less than 5 seconds.
4) Abhimanyu Lakshman - Kingsize Dada. His off-side play is a sight for the Gods. So much so that after Rahul Dravid once said, "On the off-side, first there is God, then there is Ganguly" he added, "Except, of course, for my big friend Abhi." But no one remembers that. A gentle giant, Abhi prefers a ground attack and accumulates his runs by giving the deep cover fielder lots of practice. His bowling is bimodal, short-pitched when he is off his game, and yorkers when he is on. The fastest bowler on the team (you know it's true, Jatin, so just let it go) he is like Shoaib Akhtar in that he goes full steam for no more than two overs at a time.
5) Janmejay Tanwar - Energizer Bunny. Like his fellow desert-buddy, the camel, JJ seemingly has inexhaustible reserves of energy, and can be seen either bowling, batting, or fielding during every minute of practice or game. Currently, among the top two all-rounders in the OCC (no, Jatin, you are not the other, so just sit down will you?!), he is an opening bowler with a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l outswinger and a batting technique that is pleasing to watch, unless he decides what shot to play before the ball is bowled. Guaranteed to drop at least one catch per match, he has perfected the art of diving after the drop to make it seem like it was brilliant athleticism that he was even able to get his hands (and body) to the ball at all.
6) Amit Phatak - U-turn (previously he was the Tasmanian Devil). The fastest runner on the team, I predict that this relative newcomer will now have the honor (cough) of racing from deep midwicket to deep midwicket between overs for the rest of the year. He is what Ravi Shastri disturbingly calls a "handy man to have in your side" as he bowls a stump-to-stump line, fields anywhere from silly point to, yes, deep midwicket, and his batting style belongs to the almost-forgotten Mohammad Kaif school of strike rotation. Midway through the season he demonstrated a propensity to take sharp U-turns on one-way streets, exit ramps and parking lots while driving, and on the playing field by turning around the fortunes of NCC midway through a match with his under-rated but brilliant wobbly seam bowling which never fails to snag a wicket or three.
7) Harshana Boteja - The Shadow. At this point of time, I don't have much to add or say as I have never had a conversation with him. Who knows what lies in the heart of this man? The Shadow knows! Having seen him play a couple of times, I can say that he is surprisingly quick to the ball, and can bat a little bit. But I will add more, I promise, before the next episode.
8) Pradhip Swaminathan - Johnny Walker
As the season progressed, teammates realized that Pradhip is very quickly out of position on the field, rarely to be found at the fielding spot assigned to him. Several matches later, Ozone figured out why. Before every ball is bowled, fielders usually "walk in" a few steps in preparation. Once the ball is bowled they walk back to their mark. But you see, Pradhip does not. So eventually by the end of the over he is about 30 yards away from where he started! His new nickname is in honor of the whiskey brand whose tag line is Keep walking.
9) Me - Bob Loblaw. On the link for Bob Loblaw, scroll down to the Minor recurring characters section). Because of my propensity to chatter non-stop much to the annoyance of opponents and teammates alike, this moniker was thrust upon me by Little Boy (see below). I am being typecast with a fictional character's name which is meant to sound like "blah-blah-blah". (Hmpff!!). Apart from possessing a forward defensive prod that would bring tears to Aakash Chopra's eyes, I am the current record holder of the deep midwicket to deep midwicket walkathon-marathon that is organized every year by the devilish captain of the OCC.
10) Damian DeRozairo - Captain Ozone (formerly Captain Binary). If the name wasn't a big enough clue - he is the captain of the NCC. Since he either bats at #1 or #10 he does his best to live up to his nickname. No captain is more afraid of losing the toss and he has yet to lose one in almost two years. How does he do it? He sends someone else for the toss! A Sri Lankan by birth and an Aussie by youth, he talked his way into the captaincy simply because no one knew what he was saying for the first 6 months of his stay. One fine morning when the words began to make sense, everyone realized that he was already telling the NCC how grateful he was to have been asked to be the captain. No one on the team knew how to speak Australian to tell him otherwise. A very flappable fellow when things are going down the drain (and they do in every game the OCC plays) his rallying cry is the stuff of legends. It starts off: "Guys, we are letting the game slip away. What's going on? If we keep this up...." In order to not listen any further, the rest of the team gets serious and, invariably, a furious fightback and victory ensues. The NCC has been taking such strategic timeouts under Damian long before it had even fermented as a thought in Lalit Modi's green-hued brain.
After a round of discussions and some spirited chants of "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie", Binary's new nickname is now Ozone (Aussie, Aussie, Aussie .... Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie ... O three ... chemical structure of Ozone is O3 ...comprendes?).
11) Swarit Agarwal - Little Boy. This not-so-little fellow packs quite a punch. The CFO of the club (i.e. the guy who oversees the $14.37 surplus that is guarded with pride in the OCC bank account) his roles are many - wicket-keeper, off-spinner, gadaa-dhaari Bhima impersonator, and scorekeeper par excellence. By the way, his swearing can cause even pirates to blush...and often does. He is the only man I know who trashtalks the umpires and the opposition team from a scorer's perch.
12) Francis Origanti - Doctor Kamikaze. A legend in his own lifetime (and in his own mind and no one else's), Kamikaze believes that the walk to the crease is more than enough time to gauge the wicket, the bowler, the situation, and the conditions. A master at assessing bats - swinging one without contacting the ball is enough to tell him whether it has a good stroke. His feats are of the aar ya paar type. He has scored a century in 50-odd balls and has been dismissed bowled first ball trying to hit a six (with his team at 0 for 1 after 1 ball in the innings!). He has taken 6 wickets in a single innings and has been taken for 30 runs in a single over. A good way of knowing how his day is going to be is to see when he has to be home before he gets beaten up by his better half. If he is looking at his watch constantly, it is a bad sign for the opposition. Games have been decided on mere glances at the clock. And yes, since no one listens to what he says, when no one was paying attention he became the vice-captain of the team.
13) Srinivas Malkapuram - Gundappa. Built along the lines of the original Little Master, Malki is a man whose contribution to the team's score goes beyond the runs off his bat. Opposing bowlers find his posterior so enticing that they go crazy trying to hit it, but always in vain. With a speed that belies his frame, Malki hops forward just before impact and the ball sails harmlessly by to the keeper down the legside - wide! An extra run, an extra ball, and a frustrated bowler - it is a wholly unique way of getting a hat-trick in one ball. Midwicket is his domain, and he is the most improved fielder on the team, putting JJ's shoddy fielding displays in true perspective.
14) Gowtham Maranani - Gunmaster G9. Okay, I was wrong when I said that Abhi was the fastest bowler in the team. Gowtham is it, by a good yard or two. A gunslinger in the truest sense, he is a throwback to the good old days when bowler's run-ups were 30 yards long, and their primary attacking balls were the yorker and the bouncer. Gowtham looks like a docile Telugu movie sidekick and the next sledge that comes from his lips will be the first words he has probably ever uttered on a cricket field but do not mistake his docility for weakness. Many batsmen have made that mistake and numerous crushed toes, jammed fingers, and dented egos have been left in his wake. (Including Jatin's, who can no longer fathom the fact that he is not even the second-fastest bowler in the team any more).
15) Quintus Swampillai -
16) Devkanth Rao - Soul Patch. He is a rare breed - an opener who has converted himself into a middle order batsman. Light footed and ever-smiling, Devkanth's favorite scoring area is the V between midwicket and cover. Unafraid to loft the ball, his recent scores have been hampered by an inability to find a bat that he is comfortable with. His nickname comes from the Aamir Khan-like fuzz on his face.
17) Jai Ganesh - Hercules. JG has the best upper body on the team (which is not hard when you consider the sizes and shapes of the players..but still), a testament to how many hours a week he spends in the gym. A bowler who bowls better when he slows down the pace, JG is always one ball away from unleashing a bouncer. It has yet to work for him, but some day it shall, he supposes.
18) Sandip Umrotkar - Sunny D. A pleasing-to-the-eye batsman cast in the Rahul Dravid frustration-by-accumulation mode, Sandip is the perfect #3 batsman. He is willing to bat through the innings, and does not get bogged down by having to play out prolonged periods of good swing bowling. He knows that runs, just like his ever-present smile, are always one ball away.
19) Nirmal Srinivasan - Bean Counter. A man who does it all - bats, bowls, fields - Nirmal is also armed with the enviable ability to recall facts, numbers and stats at the drop of a hat, making him a scorer's nightmare. Calling him a stable batsman, a steady medium pace bowler, and an electric fielder pretty much describes his on-field expertise. Off the field he is a doctoral student studying the potential impacts of cell phone usage (while driving) on the sensory perceptions of a driver. Yes, he's one of those dudes who are ensuring that Bluetooth stocks keep rising.
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