TMC: Episode 9 - Batting practice

Welcome to The Midwest Chronicles (TMC). These are the accounts of the exploits of the Nebraska Cricket Club in the 2009 season. To spice up what would otherwise be a routine match report of runs scored, wickets taken, and catches snaffled (or spilled) these posts are being written with a tongue firmly in cheek but with the facts completely in the true. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the meandering show.

Here's a complete guide to the cast of characters and their nicknames. The cast will be updated as players are added or dropped or nicknames changed as the season progresses.

Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down.
- William M. Winans

The price of excellence is discipline. The cost of mediocrity is disappointment.
- William Arthur Ward

After losing out on more than just a cricket game a few weeks ago, the Cedar Rapids Challengers welcomed NCC with revenge on their minds. The game was played at a neutral venue in Des Moines, at the home ground of the CLIA. Here's the report of the match (written in the style of a Peter Roebuck Tour Diary).

Nice day for cricket. Occasional clouds, bright sun, low 80's F. Bob Loblaw loses toss. Nothing new for NCC. Losing toss, that is. CRC bats first. 25 over match. Grass long and uncut for a week. "Outfield (not) lightning quick," quips Shastri (in our minds). Energizer Bunny and Chikna Slater bowl first for NCC. Openers tied down by Energizer. Outswinger working brilliantly. Play and miss. Play and miss. Repeat previous sentences. Repeat once more for emphasis. All off Energizer. Unbroken spell to start game. 5 overs. 1 maiden. 10 runs. NO wickets. Brilliant stuff. Spectators (all CRC supporters, bar one) bored? Hardly. Bowlers not named Energizers are profligate. Runs leak in all directions and manners. Boundaries, wides, leg-yes, even a bye. Energizer's efforts poured down the drain at other end.

Drinks - 12 overs: 68 for 2. Openers gone. Siva and Ganesh at crease. Siva gone! Swept full toss from Johnnie Walker (formerly Lord Warnie) to diving U-Turn at deep square-leg. Raucous celebrations ensue. Wait! Square-leg umpire signals no-ball. Travesty. Ball definitely below waist, Siva agrees but respects umpires decision. Gut shot. Game goes on. NCC leaks runs. Bowling lacks purpose. Siva and Ganesh get valuable batting practice. Sixes and fours galore. Whole innings resembles highlight package. No bowler is able to maintain required length. Too full, too easy to smash. Siva and Ganesh each score 60-plus.

Siva finally goes, but bowling stays the same. Later batsmen continue plundering. 6 of 8 batsmen hit at least one 6 in their innings. Only highlights of NCC display - fielding related. Thin Man throws a dart from long off to run-out opener. Little Man takes stunning reflex catch at point. Jonty would have been proud. Nothing else worth writing about.

Final damage - 221 for 5 in 25 overs. 153 runs in last 13 overs.

As always, let's now take a break to appreciate some of the less known things about the world around us.

• There are 20,000 living organisms in a glass of water.

• The Pacific Ocean is larger than all the land mass of the Earth.

• The hardest substance in your body is the enamel in your teeth.

• Your brain feels no pain.

• House dust is 70% dead skin cells.

• Heinz Ketchup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.

• More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

Bob Loblaw and Hercules open the batting. Double pinch hitters? Terrible mix-up occurs - Hercules run-out by Bob. Bob does not compensate, goes soon for 7. But not before Chikna botches another chance at #3. Timid drive to over-pitched ball. Superb one-handed catch by bowler leaping over Bob, the non-striker. Great catch, nevertheless Chikna more at fault - too tentative with drive. When Bob leaves next, it is 3 down for next to nothing.

Steady heads needed. Sunny Delight and Energizer provide just that. Take time to settle down. Play out Kannan (5-0-19-2). Sunny and Energizer up the ante with splendid running between the wickets, including an all-run four. Sunny looks to push the run-rate along. Succeeds in pushing ball to waiting fielder's hands at mid-wicket. 23 runs in 29 balls, 1 four. Platform has been set for final assault.

Required run-rate climbs over 10 an over for last 14 overs. Thin Man and Energizer launch assault at daunting target. Boundaries begin to pepper scorebook. No side of the ground is spared. Square-cuts for six, pulls for four, drives for six, flicks for four. Both batsmen on a tear. Energizer hits two successive reverse sweeps for four. Second one reaches fence in one bounce. Scintillating stuff. Thin Man plays straight and clears fielder or finds gaps with elan.

CRC needs miracle. Or two. Strange thing to say considering their strong position during the NCC chase. CRC gets a miracle. An outstanding catch running in at full speed from long-on. Prize wicket - Energizer! 81 runs in just 55 balls, 7 fours, 2 sixes.

Kamikaze struggles to connect properly. Watches Thin Man depart. Caught behind off an attempted slash. 55 runs in just 28 balls, 6 fours, 2 sixes. Welcome news - back in form. Unwelcome news - required target still stiff.

Situation becoming dire. Kamikaze holes out. U-Turn goes in. Almost impossible task ahead - 33 runs in 2 overs. Need all dice to fall in place. They don't. U-Turn departs via a catch at long-on. Captain Ozone swings and misses. Bowler does not and stumps walk away. Little Boy does not get to bat...again. 209 for 9 in 25 overs, 13 runs short. Great chase, but not enough.

CRC have their revenge. But they cannot take away the trophy that came with the BOGO deal of the previous game. So there!